In Defence of Intense
It’s okay to go deep – By Stacey Huget
Who among us doesn’t welcome a little external validation now and then? No matter how secure we are in ourselves, most of us appreciate hearing that others value what we bring to the world – especially those qualities we believe set us apart.
It’s why I liked Susan Cain’s wonderful book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking – and I’m not even a full-on introvert. I just love an invitation to pause and reflect on the brilliance of our diversity, the opportunity behind our differences.
Ever since, I’ve been thinking of another book that might be worth writing: In Defence of Intense: How it’s Okay to Go Deep in a Superficial World.
I think we all know the people I’m talking about here: whose passions are busting at the seams, whose curiosity seems inexhaustible, whose inability to abide by the simple, kiss-kiss-chat-chat conversational protocols that constitute so much of popular culture must be, well, molecular.
Yep, we lean into life. There’s no limit to our questions, to the layers we want to peel back. There’s no end to our capacity for exploring every angle and detail and nuance of an issue or project or experience. And there’s no telling us to lighten up, take a break, or chill. We’re just not built that way.
In Defence of Intense would explore and celebrate our experience. It would appreciate who we are: dogs-with-bones, seekers of truth, engines firing on all cylinders.
Being intense can be, well, intense – and a little lonely. We can’t help but feel like misfits in a sometimes-shallow society. All those raised eyebrows, that eye-rolling, those sighs of exasperation. We get that we can be exhausting, relentless, inappropriate even. Not everyone shares our appetites.
Still, there are more than a few of us inhaling our way through life. And when we encounter our breathless brothers and sisters, we often become instant companions, diving into one another’s depths with a quenchless craving. Even when we disagree – or more likely because of it – we are filled with gratitude. Our cups runneth over.
We are the hungry ones. In a world where emoticons count for emotional expression, sensational 30-second soundbites count for news, and celebrity glam counts for culture – we are starved for the all-you-can-eat buffet of human potential.
Being intense can be, well, intense – and a little lonely. We can’t help but feel like misfits in a sometimes-shallow society. All those raised eyebrows, that eye-rolling, those sighs of exasperation. We get that we can be exhausting relentless, inappropriate even. Not everyone shares our appetites.
What we leave in our wake is the due diligence, that pushing of boundaries, those “ah ha” moments that jostle reality for our sleepier friends. Be it a passing conversation or a prolonged debate, an afternoon’s entertainment or our life’s work – we go for the nudge. Be it in the arts, or in science and technology, or on the stage of social and political change – we go for the breakthrough. Always connecting the dots. Looking for underbellies. Coming in close, panning back. Forest, trees, bark … check.
Ours is the gaze that pins and penetrates.
If you ask me what I came into this life to do, I will tell you: I came here to live out loud, proclaimed French novelist Emile Zola.
He’s with us.
Which is not to say we’re all noisy extroverts. Some of us sizzle quietly, an internal combustion of passion, blinding an unsuspecting world with a sudden flash of brilliance. Or not. We don’t all choose to have visibly spectacular lives. Sometimes what we achieve in life is our own edification, a clarity that can be soothing – the way that prey in a claw can be soothing.
The world only permits so much figuring out and metes it out at an infuriatingly slow pace. But the process of exploring, the sport of the hunt, the thrill of the catch is deeply nourishing – food for our soul.
We absolutely marvel at the grace of others. Like those sunny, laid back manyata types who gently skim any surface, who smile at our heavy lifting, who wander off along softer paths, calm in their enigmatic knowing. Or those bubbly, effervescent types who bring joy and light to the darkest of conversations, whose melodious laughter rings out across our fiery fervor.
Good on them. They nourish us as well. May they enjoy their peace.
Because here’s the thing: it IS our diversity that makes living alongside one another such an adventure.
For those of us who soar high and dive deep, let us enjoy our exhilaration, our profound intensity. Let our hearts beat wildly. Let our voices call out like sirens from the depths of our being.
And let the fire in our eyes send sparks out into the world.
